Sometimes I wonder if the reason I get so busy is because I haven't learnt the fine art of saying 'no!" We all know that this is often much harder than it sounds.This month's newsletter I aim to provide you with some tools and tips to improve you skill in saying 'no'.

Pamela Allardice has just released her new book Slow Up, which contains 199 ways to calm your mind, relax your body and inspire your spirit. It is certainly well worth a read!

Michael Bungay Stanier's article "No!" goes into more detail about saying No, and the concept of 'global exhaustion!' And don't forget to click on the link to view Michael's 'Eight Irresistible Principles of Fun' and increase the fun in your life!

Enjoy this month's newsletter!

No!
by Michael Bungay Stanier

Don't we just live in a "yes yes yes" world? Do this, do that. Get more of this, more of that. Don't stop, keep going. Take on that next challenge, finish this project rush to that next meeting, find that next client.

I think almost all of us have a chronic case of yes-itis. Do you feel stretched to thin, busier than ever, and over-committed? You're not alone.

I suspect there are two types of Yes's that contribute to this sense of global exhaustion.

The first Yes is based in fear - or rather, scarcity. A Scarcity Mindset believes "there's not enough, and things will run out." It keeps people holding on to what they've got, unwilling to move and unwilling to give.

In its shadow lurks catastrophe, which often sounds something like this: If I leave this job, I may never get another job, then my wife and kids will leave me, I'll fall into poverty, start drinking, end up on the streets and be dead by the time I'm 40.

The second Yes is based in success-addiction. I recently heard Marshall Goldsmith, the premier executive coach in the world, say "successful people tend to chronically over-commit." This need to say Yes is all about an insatiable appetite for more.

There's a different, and perhaps more subtle type of catastrophe in the shadows here: If I don't say yes to this project now, they may never ask me again, and people will stop knowing who I am, and I'll have to stop finding meaning in being busy, then I'll have to think about what's actually important to me ... and I won't know, and then my wife and kids will leave me because I'm a boring empty shell, I'll start drinking, end up on the streets and be dead by the time I'm 40.

And just as there are two types of Yes's, I think there are two types of No's.

The first is a Gremlin-fuelled No. That inner-critic that whispers "you can't do that because... you've tried it before and failed, it's too hard for you, you're not good enough to do this" and so on. It's actually the flip-side of the same Gremlin that fuels much of the "yes-saying" that I've already mentioned. I've spoken about the Gremlin before, and you can check out the August edition to refresh your memory.

The second No is "I can do this - and choose not to." This is both powerful and difficult. It gets to the heart of what makes a fulfilled life: knowing what the important stuff is, and choosing to do that and not the other stuff. I've become particularly conscious of this over the last two months. In order to finish my book (and more of that in future Outside the Lines), I've been practicing this type of No: no to consulting work that I've wanted to do, no to coaching clients, no to the various coffees I have with people under the guise of networking (my networking rule, by the way, is "if they make me think and make me laugh, I'll have coffee with them." It's a great way to keep working with terrific people).

Here are four things I've learned about this type of No.

• To say this No, you need to be clear on what is important to you.
• Saying No is part of the process of articulating what's important. Until you've said this No, you can't really say what's important to you.
• The first time you say it, it feels like you're going to explode, so tempting is it to say Yes instead.
• This No drives abundance. You become more attractive and more compelling. You are more clearly in focus for the world to see.

Action:

• If, in a blink of an eye, you were suddenly financially independent and could do what was most important to you - the stuff that honoured your values and your skills and your passion - what would that be?
• What's the first No you need to say to move towards that today?
  

The Eight Irresistable Principles of Fun

See what all the fun is about! Click here

Canadian based expat Michael Bungay Stanier is a professional keynote speaker and author of the best selling coaching tool, Get Unstuck & Get Going ...on the stuff that matters (www.getunstuckandgetgoing.com). A certified coach and Rhodes Scholar, he works with teams and organizations to help them get unstuck and get going on the stuff that matters.

Copyright 2005 Michael Bungay Stanier, Box of Crayons. Reprint permission available by request. Apply to info@BoxOfCrayons.biz info@BoxOfCrayons.biz